Bizarre gardening accident anticipated within the next few weeks
By Thoreau
Khaled Abdul-Fattah Dawoud Mahmoud al-Mashhadani was the highest-ranking Iraqi in the al-Qaeda in Iraq leadership when he was captured July 4 in Mosul, U.S. military spokesman Brig. Gen. Kevin Bergner said.
Bergner told reporters that al-Mashhadani carried messages from bin Laden, and his deputy Ayman al-Zawahri, to the Egyptian-born head of al-Qaeda in Iraq, Abu Ayyub al-Masri.
If this guy answered to Al Qaeda Number Two guy al-Zawahri, that means he’s yet another Al Qaeda Number Three guy. And we all know what happens to the number three guy in Al Qaeda.
“He choked on vomit…of unknown origin.”
In unrelated news, Spinal Tap is holding auditions for a new drummer.
(Sorry, I know I should take this more seriously, but after catching so many top Al Qaeda leaders, I start to wonder if maybe Al Qaeda is the sort of organization where everybody wants to be a chief and nobody is a grunt. Which actually reassures me. The chiefs in Al Qaeda make videos full of angry rants, and the grunts strap on explosive vests and kill a bunch of people. I encourage every Al Qaeda recruit to leapfrog past the grunt phase and assume a leadership role. Either that, or make a mistake while preparing your bomb vest. Either one.)
Comment by Xanthippas —
July 19, 2007 @ 11:06 am
Don’t you know the rules? Everybody we kill in Iraq is a “terrorist” and everybody we capture is a “terrorist leader.” God sorts them out before we even have to kill them all!
Comment by WalterBoswell —
July 19, 2007 @ 4:23 pm
All I know is they’re running out if caves, which means they’ll be easier to spot.
Comment by Thoreau —
July 19, 2007 @ 6:17 pm
Oops, I forgot about that, Xanthippas.
I guess that everybody at Abu Ghraib was the Number 3 guy in Al Qaeda.
Comment by Norm —
July 20, 2007 @ 12:20 am
Being #3 in that organization is like finding out you’re the only Red Shirt to beam down a seemingly friendly planet.
Oh, and you can’t really dust for vomit.