Happy Feet — It Ain’t Natural to Stall ‘Em in the Stall
By Mona
You know how when you’re sitting on the pot in a public restroom, and your feet are just a slippin’ and slidin’, swingin’ this way and that and making all comfy with the footsies to the left of you and on the right? And you know how you really aren’t paying any attention to what your crazy feets are doin’ cuz that’s just all part of your, um, excretory ritual? Yeah, I thought you did, and it is perfectly natural for feet to carry on like that.
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So I fully grok Sen Larry Craig in this audio of his arrest for the “crime” of having happy feet; it’s only natural!:
Craig: “I sit down, um, to go to the bathroom and ah, you [undercover cop] said our feet bumped. I believe they did, ah, because I reached down and scooted over and um, the next thing I knew, under the bathroom divider comes a card that says Police. Now, um, (sigh) that’s about as far as I can take it, I don’t know of anything else. Ah, your foot came toward mine, mine came towards yours, was that natural? I don’t know. Did we bump? Yes. I think we did. You said so. I don’t disagree with that.”
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Comment by bryan —
August 31, 2007 @ 7:08 am
did my leg accidentally go under the body of the dog, or did the dog hump my leg. You say semantics I say anti-semantics.
Comment by matthew hogan —
August 31, 2007 @ 10:19 am
It depends on what the meaning of the word wiz is.
Comment by Karen —
August 31, 2007 @ 6:41 pm
Well, the thing I have learned from this episode is to make certain that my sons always have extra tissues when we travel, so that they never need to ask someone in the next stall for paper when their dispenser is empty.
Also, what DID the poor undercover cop do to get the toilet sex beat? Take the last raspberry jelly-filled from the break room knowing that’s the chief’s favorite?
Comment by Mona —
September 1, 2007 @ 3:41 pm
Karen, my favorite uncle (now long retired), when he started out on Milwaukee’s vice squad, had to hang in the bathroom of the bus terminal for that same duty. Now, my uncle is a live and let live kind of guy, and thought back in the day rousting gays at their bars ‘n stuff was B.S., but he said having that crap going on public bathrooms is one of the few instances where it truly does make sense to invoke “the children.”
But I agree; what a pathetic job to get stuck with. (Uncle went on to homicide.)
Comment by Karen —
September 1, 2007 @ 9:06 pm
I agree with your uncle on the necessity of keeping that kind of stuff out of public restrooms, especially when the rest rooms in question are in airports or other places used by large numbers of random members of the public. It’s both a safety and public order issue when you get to airports. (I’m considerably less concerned about the toilets in gay bars, other than a general “oh, get a bloody room” sentiment, which holds for all combinations of genders.)
Your uncle, by the way, sounds like a hoot.