Unqualified Offerings

By Thoreau

William Kristol, a man who is so profoundly wrong that he looks West each morning to see if the sun will come up, is going to be a NY Times columnist. Say what you will about the Times, but that’s a pretty sweet gig for a guy whose SAT score was lower than you’d get from random guessing. He has to order his steaks pre-sliced because the last time he picked up a knife he went for the bright, shiny part and lost a finger. (In all fairness, he was trying to demonstrate his resolve to the knife, and that pinkie was ripe for regime change.)

This man, so profoundly wrong about everything imaginable, continues to get sweet gigs? I mean, I get that the elites are screwed up and look out for their own. But surely they can find a better storyteller for their court, one who can at least pretend to get something right now and then. Don’t they care about appearances? Don’t they realize that lying convincingly is a skill, a sign of courtly prowess? They might as well let the drunk peasant in the street muttering about UFOs be their storyteller. At least his stories are edgy and interesting, even if every bit as nonsensical as whatever Kristol is saying.

The world makes no sense. Next thing you know, infamous bullshit artist Doug Feith will get a professorship at…wait, what?!?!?!?

Oh, fvck it, time to go onto the streets and drink with the guy muttering about UFOs.