Have a safe, watchful, terror-free Christmas
By Thoreau
Dear Readers,
It is with a heavy heart that I urge you to temper your Christmas festivities with watchfulness. It has come to my attention that tonight a Turkish religious radical will attempt to enter US airspace and leave suspicious packages in American homes. It is believed that the timing of this attack was chosen to coincide with the birthday of a radical cleric (revered by Muslims around the world) from the West Bank town of Bethlehem. Please take this seriously. The cleric being commemorated received significant financing from the Iranians and caused substantial unrest in Israel before being captured and executed by a joint Israeli-Italian task force.
Comment by KipEsquire —
December 24, 2008 @ 8:22 pm
Let us recall that the original Christmas was itself quite the terrorist event.
Comment by Mona —
December 24, 2008 @ 8:25 pm
But you know T., they always drank the milk and ate the cookies my kids and I left out. We can only count our blessings that this Santa fellow did not leave a 3 oz. bottle of explosive hand lotion, eh what? (I know it was the cookies that saved us.)
Comment by Mona —
December 24, 2008 @ 8:27 pm
P.S. The cookies were appeasement.
Comment by Thoreau —
December 24, 2008 @ 10:07 pm
Breaking news! Live footage of this North Pole radical wreaking havoc!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tb-Mce9VpmY
Comment by kishnevi —
December 24, 2008 @ 10:32 pm
You forgot to mention:
This Turkish radical enjoys substantial free propaganda courtesy of the entertainment media, and in particular the notorious New York liberal Clement Moore.
Comment by Kolohe —
December 25, 2008 @ 12:00 am
He is tool of, and in fact was perhaps even created by, the mutlinationals
He is a very cozy relationship with the military industrial complex, going so far as conquer and impose his cultural values on an alien land.
He has a comprehensive domestic spying program that can be objectively described as fascist.
Mele kalikimaka everyone!
Comment by Noumenon —
December 25, 2008 @ 12:29 am
Hilarious, Thoreau. Great perspective and use of links to justify the joke.
Comment by Eunoia —
December 27, 2008 @ 3:46 pm
As a diagnostic measure distinguishing between the Real Santa(TM) and semitic terrorists, my father always insisted that the milk and cookies be replaced by a double Scotch & a ham sandwich