Too ignorant to get the right wrong answer
By Thoreau
Via Talking Points Memo (to which I was directed by my brother, currently commenting as “All Your Summer Songs” and previously commenting as “Idi Amin’s Last Meal”), I learn that according to a new poll most Birthers don’t even understand the basic precepts of their own myths.
Orthodox Birtherism teaches that Obama was born in Kenya, as clearly demonstrated by a falsified birth certificate and a mistranslation in a family interview. These are simple myths, folks. This isn’t something difficult, like cold fusion or flood geology. Despite that, the poll finds that:
10% of the country thinks that he was born in Indonesia, 7% think he was born in Kenya, and 1% think he was born in the Philippines.
That leaves 20%, which includes at least some people who correctly believe that Obama was born in Hawaii, but who don’t consider Hawaii to be part of the United States. You read that right- 6% of poll respondents think that Hawaii is not part of the country and 4% are unsure.
It’s hard to say what the rest of that 20% thinks. We did ask them if they thought Obama was born in France and while less than half a percent of respondents did, two thirds of that remaining 20% said they ‘weren’t sure’ whether Obama was a Frenchman.
If you’re going to insist on believing falsehoods, at least get them right! For instance, although Balrogs clearly do have wings, if you’re going to insist that they don’t have wings at least don’t go around citing The Hobbit as your supporting evidence, since there were no Balrogs in The Hobbit. Only a n00b would do that. Likewise, while Indonesia is admittedly a scary foreign place with people who don’t look like us, it is obviously not the same scary foreign place as Kenya. Get it straight! And if you’re not sure, just check your map of the flat earth.
Next thing you know, Americans will start claiming that the moon landing was faked by the Russians, even though everybody knows that if it was faked it was faked by the CIA. Duh!
Comment by mds —
August 19, 2009 @ 10:21 pm
Yes, but why? It’s not like they could fly with them. Why are you dodging the real question here?
Comment by Thoreau —
August 19, 2009 @ 10:24 pm
In the Silmarillion, it’s clearly implied that they flew to the aid of Morgoth when he struggled with Ungoliant. The Balrog of Moria wasn’t able to fly when the bridge collapsed because he had no room to get a running start and take off.
Plus, Gandalf had just used Retributive Strike, causing the Balrog to lose stamina.
Anyway, to get back on topic, being fallen Ainur, it’s clear that the Balrogs were born outside of Arda and hence would not be eligible for the Presidency.
Comment by de stijl —
August 19, 2009 @ 11:12 pm
Same poll found that 39 percent of Americans want government to ‘stay out of Medicare.’ Additionally, 15% of respondents were “not sure” if the government should be involved in Medicare.
That’s right. A majority of Americans don’t know that Medicare is a government program.
Comment by de stijl —
August 19, 2009 @ 11:15 pm
So did Gandalf or the Balrog shoot first?
Comment by Tom Scudder —
August 20, 2009 @ 2:24 am
Do Balrogs Have Wings?
Comment by Thoreau —
August 20, 2009 @ 2:32 am
From Quenta Silmarillion, the chapter titled “Of the Flight of the Noldor.”
“…Balrogs lurked still, awaiting ever the return of their Lord; and now swiftly they arose, and passing over Hithlum they came to Lammoth as a tempest of fire.”
At the very least they can fly. And since the Balrog in Moria certainly appears to have wings, I say that if it flies like a duck and seems to have wings like a duck, then it’s a winged demon of fire.
Anyway, having been born outside this world, before the First Music of the Ainur and the creation of the world, it is quite clear that Balrogs were not born in America and hence are not eligible to be President. As flying creatures of death, however, they could certainly serve in the CIA’s Pakistan campaign.
Comment by Ian —
August 20, 2009 @ 4:13 am
Thank you, Tom Scudder.
Comment by ajay —
August 20, 2009 @ 7:14 am
The Balrog of Moria wasn’t able to fly when the bridge collapsed because he had no room to get a running start and take off.
Indicating that it was obviously either a Balrog-A or the carrier-launched Balrog-C. The Balrog-B has vertical takeoff capability.
Comment by mds —
August 20, 2009 @ 9:04 am
The basic problem I have is how tactically incompetent Morgoth and his minions were, since they never seemed to make use of aerial Balrog assaults. Then again, perhaps they didn’t have to, since the Noldor seemed perfectly capable of losing on their own. Still, I don’t think the eagles would have been able to maintain air supremacy over the Echoriath against a cadre of Balrogs; for that matter, overflights would have revealed just where Gondolin was. Why did Morgoth hate the Air Force?
Hmm, though suggestive, I think that’s an awful lot to pin on “over,” especially given the writing style in question. What if they were just really, really speedy?
Clearly, the Noldor also have wings.
Comment by joe from Lowell —
August 20, 2009 @ 10:37 am
Donderooooooooooooo is a Birfer, and makes an appearance in the comment threat of the PPP story.
Comment by Seward —
August 20, 2009 @ 10:44 am
de stijl,
All this is tapping into is the general ignorance of most Americans when it comes to politics, public policy, etc. I don’t really blame them. Sports, video games, lawn darts, etc. is way more interesting and useful.
Comment by Neel Krishnaswami —
August 20, 2009 @ 11:31 am
Well, pretty much every country that has ever had a major air force has also had the founder of said air force be a batshit insane lunatic with a serious hard-on for strategically useless genocidal war crimes. Supposing this is actually a pre-req for really believing in the faith of air power, it could just be that Morgoth was too smart to want an Air Force, with all the crazy that entails.
Comment by mds —
August 20, 2009 @ 12:37 pm
I’m fairly sure that Morgoth would consider this a feature, not a bug.
Comment by Thoreau —
August 20, 2009 @ 12:45 pm
Nah, Morgoth was actually pretty smart. He wasn’t always the most effective military leader, but he did massive damage to his enemies via lies and seduction. When he flew a plane into Finwe’s tower and made off with the jewelry, he provoked the Noldor into a disastrous campaign of over-reach, during which he spent most of his time in a cave in Angband laughing his ass off while the Noldor did nothing but hurt themselves and alienate allies.
Comment by Thoreau —
August 20, 2009 @ 12:55 pm
Basically, Morgoth should have stuck to covert action and espionage, appointed Sauron to run an Air Force, and seduced a Sindarin general to run his ground forces.
Comment by Eric the .5b —
August 20, 2009 @ 4:21 pm
I just want to know one thing. Those people who think Obama was born in the US but also think Hawaii is not part of the US – where do they think he was born?
Comment by joe from Lowell —
August 20, 2009 @ 4:21 pm
Sorry, ladies. He’s taken.
Comment by Gary Farber —
August 20, 2009 @ 5:22 pm
“At the very least they can fly. And since the Balrog in Moria certainly appears to have wings, I say that if it flies like a duck and seems to have wings like a duck, then it’s a winged demon of fire.”
The space shuttle has wings, and it flies, but it doesn’t fly because it has wings.
Besides, the CIA didn’t fake the moon landings; it was NASA; everyone knows that.
I’m unconvinced that strategic Balgrog bombing, either by night or day, high level or low level, could have defeated the Alliance of Men and Elves, but some maintain that not enough effort was put into Balrog production.
We also know little about potential anti-air Dwarf missiles, and anti-air Ent launchings.
Comment by Thoreau —
August 20, 2009 @ 5:26 pm
Well, the Winged Dragons were only defeated by the combined might of Earendil and the Eagles. If Morgoth had moved that model into production sooner, before Earendil took to the skies, I think Morgoth could have made good use of air superiority.
Comment by VM —
August 20, 2009 @ 5:26 pm
“where do they think he was born?”
– the hospital, duh.
[withers own taint for that one]
Comment by Donald Johnson —
August 20, 2009 @ 5:56 pm
“Well, pretty much every country that has ever had a major air force has also had the founder of said air force be a batshit insane lunatic with a serious hard-on for strategically useless genocidal war crimes.
I’m fairly sure that Morgoth would consider this a feature, not a bug.”
Yeah, much as I may dislike Curtis LeMay, implying that he was worse than Lucifer (that’s current Middle Earth terminology for “Morgoth”) seems a little harsh.
Anyway, I’m always in favor of Tolkien geekfests. Carry on.
Comment by mds —
August 20, 2009 @ 10:36 pm
In retrospect, a dwarf-tossing reference was inevitable, wasn’t it?
Oh, indeed. I’d place LeMay much more in the First Age Sauron category.
Puerto Rico? Nah, then he still wouldn’t be a native-born citizen.
Comment by ajay —
August 21, 2009 @ 4:17 am
What if he was born in the District of Columbia? Then he’s not actually a citizen of the United States by birth, is he?
Comment by de stijl —
August 21, 2009 @ 9:34 am
“where do they think he was born?”
Name: Barack Hussein Obama
Place of Birth: Vatican City
Date of Birth: June 6, 1966
Mother: Jackal bitch
Profession: Offal Disposal Technician
Father: Some faggy English dude (or some American guy with super bad fake faggy English accent)
Profession: Pope / Abomination that causes desolations
Distinguishing marks: 666 birthmark on lower Occipital
Comment by Fred Hayek —
August 21, 2009 @ 10:55 am
People are not without fault. Therefore, democracy isn’t perfect. Case in point: 53% of Americans voted for Obama.