Quench
Amazon caves! Macmillan wins! Here’s what they won.
Macmillan wanted less cash per book from Amazon than they’re already getting. You’d think that would be easy enough.
“Hey Amazon. You’re paying us $12-15 for each frontlist ebook sale. But we only want $9-10.50.”
“What an oddly good deal for us, Macmillan. What’s the catch?”
“We want you to charge your customers three to five dollars more per book.”
“Hubbafuckawha?”
“No, really. It’s crucial to us that consumers pay more per copy, even though we make less.”
“Um, why?”
“Never mind why. Just do it. Or we’ll take all our business to Apple.”
“Why don’t we keep paying you three to five dollars more than you’re demanding in these new terms, and keep pricing sales to the reader as we see fit, like retailers have always done? No skin off your nose.”
“No, sorry, it’s really important to us that readers pay 30-50% more per ebook than they do currently. It’s so important that we’re willing to make less money ourselves.”
“Oh. Is it because you’re assholes?”
“Honestly, we’re not so introspective as to think about it much.”
“Well, I can’t go along with it. Sorry.”
“Kay. That would be terrible for us, you see, because we’d continue making more money than we’re asking for and readers would continue paying less than we want them too. And we really want readers to pay more. So if you don’t go along we’re going to try to destroy your ebook business.”
“You fiends!”
“We just think of ourselves as people who want to make people pay more money than they’d otherwise have to, even if the money doesn’t come to us. >>For now.< <”
“What was that?”
“Er, nothing.”
“Well we’ll see about that! Watch what happens when we pull all your cellulose products from our website! Hahaha IN YOUR FACE MACMILLAN!”
(Macmillan pauses. Looks bored.)
“Okay, dammit, you win. We’ll do it your way. Don’t forget your promises about a ‘dynamic pricing model.’ ”
“Yeah, we’ve got a proven track record with dynamic pricing models.”
“I sure hope the other five major publishers don’t try this. I officially expect they will not, by the way.”
“Let me condescendingly pretend there’s any chance you’re right about that.”
“Oy. It’s obnoxious that you’re laughing just because we lost.”
“I’m not laughing because you lost. I’m laughing because we’re the ones who had the market power to make you cave, but on the internet they’re calling you the monopolist.”
“Bite me.”
“In your face, Amazon. IN YOUR FACE!”
